I Am A Therianthrope

by ~SummonerWolf

Someone asked me the other day what my definition of therianthropy is.
Whenever I hear this question, I am sure that I am about to be ridiculed and rejected. But then again, I usually think I’m about to be ridiculed and rejected, so I suppose that’s not relevant.
Firstly, there’s really no way to explain the way I feel when I’ve ‘shifted’. I am not thinking in English, my mind doesn’t form words like culture says it should. I don’t think about what I am, or what’s happened earlier, or what’s happening later. I think about whatsthatsmell or iseesomethingmoving. And nothing else really matters because thisisnow and iamhere.
Mind you, of course I know that I am never fully animal or fully human. It’s my sliding bar of life. Now I’m 30% animal, 70% human. Yesterday I was 80% animal, 20% human. Roughly, you know.

I’m struggling to put ‘my definition’ into words right now, because it seems so complex and yet so simple, so fluid and yet so incongruent. It was easier when I was sure I was wolf, but now that I’m not so sure, it’s easier to wonder if I’m fooling myself. But then I feel a little more ‘animal’, and I’m so, so sure that this is what I am, regardless of whether ‘therianthrope’ is the right word.

I am a therianthrope because of the fur I know should replace this bare, naked feeling. I am a therianthrope because of the big sharp teeth that should be here instead of these dull, flat molars. I am a therianthrope because of the wet black nose, the long muzzle, the sensitive ears that feel right compared to my fleshy nostrils, my short face, and the tiny ears on the sides of my head. I am a therianthrope because I want to run on four paws, because I desire the sharp crunch of bones in my mouth, because I want to raise pups instead or children, because I want to piss in the grass, because I crave the taste of raw flesh, because I know that this is not a game and I hate the romanticizing and I feel the need and instinct pressing in and it’s not fun.

You can never please everyone, and there are some people who would read this and call me a faker. That’s why I left the online community, in favor of only keeping in touch with those therians that I am close to. But now I find that I am much more sure of myself, even if I am in the process of re-studying myself, and I have decided to come back, if in a small way. I am lurking for the most part, but submitting my thoughts here on DeviantArt. And I know, now that I’m returning, becoming vocal once again, that I’ll have to prove myself to everyone, every single soul I meet eyes with.
I’m okay with that. I want to tell the world what I think, and to Hell with those who don’t like it.